How Vulnerability Helps Me Cope with Anxiety

How VulnerabilityHelps Me Cope with Anxiety.png

Anxiety pushes many of us to keep our guard up at all times. It makes trusting others and ourselves difficult. It convinces us to believe and listen to our fears instead of confronting them.

Without any sort of treatment, anxiety can make you feel like a prisoner to your own thoughts.

I’ve been there. My anxiety reached an all-time high during my college years and was the absolute worst during my senior year in 2015. Everyone thought I was thriving because I was losing weight, meanwhile I couldn’t go one day without panicking about class, friendships, my identity, my body, or whatever else made my heart race. It was a painful existence.

Shortly after graduation, my circle convinced me to find my first therapist. Once I began to trust my therapist, I began to talk about my true thoughts, fears, and feelings to her. This is when I learned that one of the most effective ways to confront anxiety is by opening up about it. I began to be more vulnerable with my close friends and family as a result. My life drastically improved thanks to the lessons I gained in therapy.

Flash forward to mid-March 2018 when my relationship with my ex-fiancee ended and my wedding was cancelled. Engagement life had been pretty good, so the trauma of this event blindsided me and hit hard. I had never experienced this kind of heartbreak before.

I was particularly devastated when my ex posted a too-casual status on Facebook about the ordeal, announcing our break-up publicly without my consent. Many of my friends and family members found out by reading the status, and some of them reached out to me with screenshots attached. It was extremely upsetting. My power was taken away from me and it felt like there wasn’t much I could do.

Having to do the post-break-up social media clean-up (untagging photos, new profile pictures, relationship status adjustment) was expected, but I had no intention of writing anything about it on a public forum. I desperately wanted my pain to be private, but my ex made that impossible once the status was posted.

Anxiety quickly overtook my sadness: What would people think of me based on that status? What did this failed engagement say about me? The sense of control I had thought I had achieved in my life was gone and anxiety took its’ place.

After wracking my brain for a while and talking about it with my closest friends, I decided to post my own status and take my power back. My voice deserved to be in the mix, and it wouldn’t be unless I myself spoke up. I wrote with true vulnerability behind my words, and my status was honest and raw.

break-up status
My status. You might have noticed it is set to private in the screenshot. I was vulnerable in the moment and I’m proud of that, but it doesn’t mean this life event has to be on my profile forever.

Once it was posted, I felt relieved to have my feelings out in the open. I wasn’t hiding. I was very-much still in the throes of heartbreak (and I honestly will be for some time) but writing candidly about it made it feel less shameful. Those who hadn’t seen the other status flooded my comments with words of support, and that helped too. I flew to Paris a few days later and tried to walk with my head held high.

Since then, I’ve strived to be more vulnerable on a regular basis as a way to cope with the anxiety this break-up reignited in me. I’ve also aimed to expand the range of my vulnerability. My first round of therapy helped me open up to close friends and some family, but that was pretty much the extent of my openness. Now I’m trying to be even more vulnerable on both a private and public level. A few recent examples:

  • Talking to a stranger in Paris about the break-up a week after it happened
  • Writing about seeing a therapist again to help myself feel less embarrassed about it
  • Working through a panic attack with my parents present and making a plan together
  • Speaking to other LGBTQ+ folks at queer events about identity and dating struggles
  • Opening up about body-shaming in the past (see Instagram post below)
  • Admitting fitness fears to my personal trainer and then conquering them together
  • Starting and maintaining this blog

 

Each act of vulnerability has helped me feel less anxious in general. Speaking about what scares me helps me accept each fear a little more. This in turn gives the anxiety less power. I am better able to recognize that an anxious thought popping into my head is usually a distortion: Just because I think it doesn’t mean it is true or that I have to be dictated by it.

Unlocking the door and throwing away the key is ultimately bringing me more peace because I have no secrets to burden me. The pressure to be perfect is slowly but surely disappearing. Fear used to impact my decisions, but now love and kindness act as my primary guides.

I’m sure some people disagree with being as vulnerable as I have been as of late, but most of my circle has expressed positive feedback. I typically find that anyone listening is sympathetic rather than judgmental. The judgement I’m afraid of tends to be a product of my own imagination. We are all in our own heads all the time and are often too busy worrying about ourselves to judge others.

Many people have told me they relate to what I’m feeling, and that helps normalize my feelings and mental health issues in general. It’s essential to remember that we are all fighting our own battles regardless of if we are sharing our battles with others. Choosing to be open about these battles can and will help others.

Does the notion of opening up terrify you? Consider trying therapy first, as it is a way to receive an unbiased response.

If you want to be more vulnerable with your inner circle, start with something small, something with low stakes so you won’t be too intimidated. Maybe tell an embarrassing story to a friend or let yourself cry in front of someone you trust.

Being vulnerable about your anxiety won’t cure it, but doing so can certainly lift some weight of your shoulders. You are not alone in your thoughts and feelings, and sharing them with the world proves you are courageous and strong. I look forward to continuing to live with an open heart and spirit, and I hope doing so will help others as well.

It’s taken me a lot of time to realize I’m often nicer to strangers than myself. I’ve spent too much of my past picking myself apart: My body was never good enough, even at my lowest weight. I was deeply ashamed of my stomach and the stretch marks that came along with it. Exposing my body was a nightmare situation. When my grays started sprouting when I was 14, I would pull them out, too embarrassed to let them be. I spent ten years trying to cover them with dye. My eyes were too squinty and my pores were too big and there was always something to pick on whenever I looked in a mirror. I didn’t feel I was worthy of love because I wasn’t perfect. I am done with that self-hating mentality that is all too present in our culture. Enough is enough! Instead, I’m trying to develop a radical self-love for myself and my body. I’m skipping the judgements and accepting that people and their bodies are not good or bad, they just are. I’m doing what brings me joy and saying no to things that do not. I’m being kind to myself and this kindess radiates past my finger tips into the world. Read more about ways to practice radical self-love on my blog. Spread the love friends! We need it more than ever ❤️ . . . . . #effyourbeautystandards #selfie #selflove #radicalselflove #everybodybeautiful #kindness #love #goodvibes #grayhair #greyhair #grayhairdontcare

A post shared by George Simon (@georgebsimon) on

 

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13 thoughts on “How Vulnerability Helps Me Cope with Anxiety

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  2. Michelle Fehrenbach

    Such a great post! It is honestly refreshing for me to see vulnerability rather than the “vaguebooking” that I normally see from people on Facebook. Anxiety and the stressors that exacerbate it is a hard thing to be open about since not many people understand it (or will admit to it). Good for you for being courageous enough to be honest and open about your struggles. Wishing you the best of luck in your future journeys!

    1. George Simon

      Funny you mention vaguebooking, that’s the perfect way to describe the original status my ex posted. Thanks for your kind words and best wishes to you as well!

  3. Tricia

    I absolutely love this. You are so brave to share. I agree, it helps so much when you open up and it helps other to see your story and know they are not alone.

  4. Rachel Chamberlayne

    So brave of you to share your story and encourage others to start the healing process. Often healing begins with confiding in trusted friends and family. What a lovely read! You’re definitely practicing what you preach by being open and vulnerable here about all of it. Bless you!

    1. George Simon

      I definitely started with confiding to friends and family, and that helped me become more open in general. Thank you for your kind words!

  5. ruthinrevolt

    I completely agree with you. I’ve been putting my emotions out there a lot more, too. Some people think it’s oversharing, but I think there are so many people it has the potential to help. The things you’re experiencing are likely being experienced by others and what if, in that moment, they needed to know they weren’t alone, too? Well done for allowing yourself to vulnerable, I know it’s hard, but I do think it helps.

    1. George Simon

      So true! I think a fundamental desire of humans is to connect, and that can only happen when someone takes a risk, even if someone else would consider that to be oversharing. Thanks for commenting!

  6. Ell

    I love how vulnerable you are thank you so much for that! Anxiety is such an important topic that doesn’t get discussed enough, so I thank you!!!💓

  7. Pingback: Why I'm Going Back to Therapy — Self-Care Season

  8. dani

    beautifully written piece. It was a delight reading your words and the fact that I am not alone in anxiety. it will all just pass. and blogging is a sure way to let them out. writing is cheaper than therapy too and way way beautiful. chin up girl! cheers!

  9. Polkadotblonde

    Thank you for being vulnerable! I really enjoyed reading this post from beginning to end. You have a way with words. I also never had anxiety until right around the end of college when I started my first year of teaching, and it got bad again when I got divorced. It’s nice to know I’m not alone! It really does help to get it out.

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